#MeToo
*I want to start off with saying that this is going to be somewhat intimate... My purpose is to bring awareness and to dismantle the stigmatism associated with blame and shame.
Brené Brown says, “Empathy’s the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” This is why I am sharing this... to say I'm with you. I also don't want you to feel like your story is diminished by mine or take away from your experiences.
I think that society has placed some assumptions about dating and "hooking up." If you are on the app, you are there to get action. But I also know that I've gotten a fair amount of unsolicited inappropriate pictures. I don't know if it's ego or what but really I don't need to see the nether regions to decide if I like you enough to go on a date with you. I guess you could say I like what's in the brain more than looks. But I digress. Anyway, I really wasn't seriously looking but more just monkeying around. I ended up chatting with a guy, who for all in tents and purposes was a nice person.
**Keep in mind, that I don't really know what I am doing.
Flash forward a couple months, I think I've gotten to know this guy pretty well. We have common interests and hobbies. So I finally work up the courage to say yes to a in person date. He invited me over to his place, saying he wanted to cook for us and then we could watch a movie on Netflix (*warning #1 I missed-you should always meet in public, especially if you met online). I'm already slightly nervous, (because that's just who I am) and drive over to his apartment. He has a cat, who instinctively gravitate towards because who doesn't love cats. We talk a bit about his cat and then my cats.
***There's a long awkward pause
He suggests moving to the couch where it's more comfortable. I sit on one of the square cushions and he sits on the other. Small talk continues, he then not so subtly suggests I take off my sweatshirt and get more comfy (warning#2).
I go back to petting his cat, because I'm sort of weirded out and I've got little red flags going off (warning#3).
You know the saying fight or flight, well there's a third option it's freezing (That's what happened to me. I couldn't move or speak it was crazy).
****PG+13
He began touching me all over. I'm literally thanking God that he's not hitting me or being outwardly aggressive. I don't know if it was because I didn't tell him to stop, say no, or the fact that my body was responding to it but he took it as a green light. Needless to say after, he graciously gave me a towel to clean myself up. I pretty much dressed as quick as I could and got the Hell out of there. My mind and body was so disgusted I literally threw up outside.
I think that I was hesitant to tell people because there are so many things that I could have done differently that would have change the outcome. Also, I feel like sometimes there's a sadness or pity that gets attached too. But I felt inspired by the story line of the last episode of season 2 of The Bold Type. If you don't know the show, I highly recommend it. It's about this fashion magazine where Jacqueline Carlyle (Melora Hardin) is the editor in chief. The episode follows a young ambitious writer named Jane Sloan (Katie Stevens) who is trying to write an article about Mia Lawrence (Ana Kayne), a rape survivor who protests the unjust court decision against her by standing in Central Park holding a balance like Lady Justice. During the episode Jacqueline reminds Jane to get the story right. It isn't until the last scene that we understand why. You can watch it here. You see Jane and her friends showing up to give support. They can't take the weights from Mia because they don't have the burden to carry that weight. Jacqueline comes and joins them in the park and then she steps into the circle and takes the weights.
I'm taking the weights. I'm acknowledging the truth in my experience. I am with you.
Now and always. 💗
Brené Brown says, “Empathy’s the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” This is why I am sharing this... to say I'm with you. I also don't want you to feel like your story is diminished by mine or take away from your experiences.
I think that society has placed some assumptions about dating and "hooking up." If you are on the app, you are there to get action. But I also know that I've gotten a fair amount of unsolicited inappropriate pictures. I don't know if it's ego or what but really I don't need to see the nether regions to decide if I like you enough to go on a date with you. I guess you could say I like what's in the brain more than looks. But I digress. Anyway, I really wasn't seriously looking but more just monkeying around. I ended up chatting with a guy, who for all in tents and purposes was a nice person.
**Keep in mind, that I don't really know what I am doing.
Flash forward a couple months, I think I've gotten to know this guy pretty well. We have common interests and hobbies. So I finally work up the courage to say yes to a in person date. He invited me over to his place, saying he wanted to cook for us and then we could watch a movie on Netflix (*warning #1 I missed-you should always meet in public, especially if you met online). I'm already slightly nervous, (because that's just who I am) and drive over to his apartment. He has a cat, who instinctively gravitate towards because who doesn't love cats. We talk a bit about his cat and then my cats.
***There's a long awkward pause
He suggests moving to the couch where it's more comfortable. I sit on one of the square cushions and he sits on the other. Small talk continues, he then not so subtly suggests I take off my sweatshirt and get more comfy (warning#2).
I go back to petting his cat, because I'm sort of weirded out and I've got little red flags going off (warning#3).
You know the saying fight or flight, well there's a third option it's freezing (That's what happened to me. I couldn't move or speak it was crazy).
****PG+13
He began touching me all over. I'm literally thanking God that he's not hitting me or being outwardly aggressive. I don't know if it was because I didn't tell him to stop, say no, or the fact that my body was responding to it but he took it as a green light. Needless to say after, he graciously gave me a towel to clean myself up. I pretty much dressed as quick as I could and got the Hell out of there. My mind and body was so disgusted I literally threw up outside.
I think that I was hesitant to tell people because there are so many things that I could have done differently that would have change the outcome. Also, I feel like sometimes there's a sadness or pity that gets attached too. But I felt inspired by the story line of the last episode of season 2 of The Bold Type. If you don't know the show, I highly recommend it. It's about this fashion magazine where Jacqueline Carlyle (Melora Hardin) is the editor in chief. The episode follows a young ambitious writer named Jane Sloan (Katie Stevens) who is trying to write an article about Mia Lawrence (Ana Kayne), a rape survivor who protests the unjust court decision against her by standing in Central Park holding a balance like Lady Justice. During the episode Jacqueline reminds Jane to get the story right. It isn't until the last scene that we understand why. You can watch it here. You see Jane and her friends showing up to give support. They can't take the weights from Mia because they don't have the burden to carry that weight. Jacqueline comes and joins them in the park and then she steps into the circle and takes the weights.
I'm taking the weights. I'm acknowledging the truth in my experience. I am with you.
Now and always. 💗
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