The Deafening Silence
*My intention is to continue to share my story, which may be like yours and may not.
I am currently living at my childhood home with my mom and cats. My mom has left for a well deserved vacation in Palm Springs, CA. I'm jealous too, but that's not the point. I think that most young adults would love the chance to be without their parent(s). It's a chance to have friends over, throw a party, having freedeom. Now don't get me wrong, I love having "freedom" to leave the cat toys out and not having to worry about the volume being too loud. But it's also got some downsides too.
As some of you know, I have struggled with generalized anxiety and depression for a while. It's funny (not really), but there isn't a specific cure. You can do all sorts of things to help manage symptoms, but you can still have bad days or the little voice in your head can be slightly louder than the rational one. Depression is basically riding a wave. There is a period of riding, where you are either neutral or happy, and then a period of being underwater, struggling to meet your basic needs. Usually, you can tell what part of the wave you are on. Sometimes you can't see it until someone tells you. And sometimes you can be riding the highest wave and then in a second you crash and have to figure out how to get back up again. Anxiety is basically a neurotic, insecure, scared, and irrational entity that you're stuck with. Your brain can turn the most basic event and your anxiety friend can turn it into a complete catastrophe.
It's the presence of my mom that I miss, I miss the rest of her too, but I mostly miss just having someone else in the house. The days are pretty easy, I go to school and work, or if I need to Target. During the day, I can leave. It's the night that I have a hard time with. I don't know whether it's the lack of someone else, the darkness, or the silence... It's then that the voice in my brain tends to take over. I generally am able to be louder than it, but sometimes that voice is more intoxicating.
That voice can be so powerful occasionally; it puts my own voice to the ground.
I am currently living at my childhood home with my mom and cats. My mom has left for a well deserved vacation in Palm Springs, CA. I'm jealous too, but that's not the point. I think that most young adults would love the chance to be without their parent(s). It's a chance to have friends over, throw a party, having freedeom. Now don't get me wrong, I love having "freedom" to leave the cat toys out and not having to worry about the volume being too loud. But it's also got some downsides too.
As some of you know, I have struggled with generalized anxiety and depression for a while. It's funny (not really), but there isn't a specific cure. You can do all sorts of things to help manage symptoms, but you can still have bad days or the little voice in your head can be slightly louder than the rational one. Depression is basically riding a wave. There is a period of riding, where you are either neutral or happy, and then a period of being underwater, struggling to meet your basic needs. Usually, you can tell what part of the wave you are on. Sometimes you can't see it until someone tells you. And sometimes you can be riding the highest wave and then in a second you crash and have to figure out how to get back up again. Anxiety is basically a neurotic, insecure, scared, and irrational entity that you're stuck with. Your brain can turn the most basic event and your anxiety friend can turn it into a complete catastrophe.
It's the presence of my mom that I miss, I miss the rest of her too, but I mostly miss just having someone else in the house. The days are pretty easy, I go to school and work, or if I need to Target. During the day, I can leave. It's the night that I have a hard time with. I don't know whether it's the lack of someone else, the darkness, or the silence... It's then that the voice in my brain tends to take over. I generally am able to be louder than it, but sometimes that voice is more intoxicating.
That voice can be so powerful occasionally; it puts my own voice to the ground.
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